Artemis Fowl: Magenta Petals
by ForthEorlingas12
Summary: A new villain has arisen, and he has no scruples about how he deals with his enemies...in fact, he wants to make it as grotesque and evil as possible...Artemis and Holly realize just how far things have to go to create a truly great friendship.
1. Prologue

PROLOGUE

Of the many place Artemis Fowl the Second had been, Zimbabwe was not one of them. Nor did the young heir feel inclined to ever go there. As a byproduct of the modern world, young Fowl considered even the idea of a lifestyle without sanitary water or a competent computer program as a ghastly concept. Besides, he wouldn't want to make the carrying of iodine tablets a necessity.

Imagine his horror, therefore, when his parents, Angeline and Artemis Fowl the First, announced that they were to take a family trip to the south African country in an independent charity effort.

After the initial shock of the announcement, Artemis Junior would spend a great deal of his time devising a means of backing out of the vacation. The actual diversion was planned weeks before the trip, but the real trick was to see if his parents would actually fall for it. Which was very likely.

One might find it hard to believe at first glance, but, among other things, Artemis was a fantastic actor. When one's lifestyle is based completely upon lies and deceit, it becomes necessary to know how to keep a straight face. As a seven-year-old child, Artemis would often spend idle afternoons reading and memorizing plays. By eight, he could act out everything from 'Macbeth' to 'Death of a Salesman' perfectly, and with all of the voices. Convincing his parents to let him stay in Ireland would be only too easy.

Bring on the show.


	2. Vacation Day

FOWL MANOR, 2:24 a.m. VACATION DAY

Artemis Fowl Junior made his steady way down the halls of Fowl Manor towards his parents' room. He smiled mischievously as he walked. This plan would be completed in no time. Dare he think it, it was easy as pie.

As he drew nearer, he softly began to moan. All part of the plan.

He knocked gently on the door of his parents' room. "Mother? Father?" he called.

Moments later, Angeline Fowl appeared in the doorway, halfway through pulling on her silken robe. "What is it, Arty?"

Artemis folded his arms tightly around his stomach and adopted a false wince of pain. "I don't feel too well," he stated.

Angeline's brow furrowed and her eyes filled with concern. "Have you talked to Butler yet?"

Artemis shook his head. "He wasn't in his room when I knocked," he said.

Which was perfectly true. His bodyguard, Butler, was in on the plan as well. Butler was presently down in the kitchen for a late night snack (nothing he normally did, but was a good enough excuse), so Artemis' parents wouldn't have a reason to suspect their son of lying to them if they got around to investigating Artemis' mock illness.

Angeline draped one arm around her son's shoulders and drew him close. "How about you go back to bed? I'll find Butler and send him up to take a look at you, all right?"

Artemis nodded. As he turned and began to walk away from his mother, a grin filled his face. Phase one, complete.

* * *

"Stomach flu," Butler said shortly. "I'm sure of it."

Angeline gasped and covered her mouth with her hand. "It's not serious, is it?"

Butler shook his head solemnly. "No, but I don't advise taking him on the trip. His condition could worsen if you do. Bed rest is the best way to treat a virus. Medical 101."

Angeline turned to her husband. "Do you think we should postpone the trip, Timmy?"

Artemis Senior frowned. He was obviously thinking through his options. Finally, he answered his wife. "No, I think it should go on as planned. There'll be other opportunities in the future for Arty to join us. Besides, we've had this planned for a long time. Do you think something like this is reason enough to cancel it? Especially when all of those poor children are depending on us?"

"No," Angeline replied. "But Arty–"

"—will have Butler to look after him. He's never failed us yet, and I daresay Butler's competent enough to look after our son for two weeks."

Butler smiled smugly. He didn't have the blue diamond tattoo on his arm for nothing. He had gone through strenuous and trying circumstances at Madame Ko's to get that tattoo. The blue diamond was the reward a person got after completing Madame Ko's course. If he received the tattoo, Butler had to be good. In fact, one might go far enough to say that he was the best.

Angeline and Artemis once again thanked Butler for his assistance, then walked back to their room to sleep the remainder of the night away. Butler silently watched them leave, then stepped into Artemis Jr.'s room, shut the door behind him, and turned to face his charge, who was sitting upright in bed. He didn't look very sick anymore.

"Well, were they convinced?" Artemis asked, even though he knew the answer. He knew how gullible his parents could be.

Butler nodded. "Just like you said they would."

Artemis grinned. "I'm glad I got that out of my system." His smile faded. "I hate lying to them, Butler. I really do. But, sometimes it is completely necessary to achieve my goals in life."

Butler smiled in turn. "Frankly, I didn't think you could pull it off. Somehow I thought your strategy was a bit too...for want of a better word...amateur. I expected this grand scheme involving computer viruses or something similar, but instead you pretend like you had caught a bout of stomach flu."

Artemis, all remorse forgotten, laughed briefly. "It's worked for thousands of teenagers the world 'round, Butler. Why couldn't it have worked for me as well? It brought about the desired effect. I think I may want to do it again. It works wonders, and it's not very hard to accomplish."

The slight, raven-haired teen got out of bed and walked to the window. The sky was just beginning to brighten. "In a few hours, Mother and Father will be on the Lear jet to Zimbabwe, and I shall have two weeks to spend as I please." Artemis grinned again. "The world will be my oyster."

Artemis' last words sent shivers up and down Butler's spine. He did not want to figure out what was to happen inside Artemis' oyster.


	3. Doody

LOWER ELEMENTS POLICE PLAZA, HAVEN

Captain Holly Short did not know which was more annoying; traffic duty with Chix Verbil or traffic duty with Grub Kelp. Unfortunately, she had the misfortune of working with both of them that day. At the same time.

Chix, as self-centered as ever, fingered his sprite wings absently as he stared openly at the Captain. Occasionally, when Holly would chance to look his way, he would pucker up his lips and wink at her. When she would grimace and turn the other way, Chix was unfazed; Captain Short was simply in denial of her true feelings for him.

Grub Kelp had an uncanny knack of leaving his post at exactly the wrong moment. Two minor accidents were already reported on his shift. At present, Holly seemed more concerned for her status at the LEP than for Grub's. For every mistake the corporal would make, she was usually the one that was blamed for it. Just because she was a _girl_...

Why did police officers have to be so sexist? It was driving Holly Short up the wall. Captain Short had proved on a number of occasions that female officers were just as apt at policing than male police officers. In fact, Holly had saved the underworld _and _the over world at least twice already. Did Grub or Chix or even Trouble Kelp have that on their resumes? I don't think so.

And yet, here she was, stuck in trafficking duty with her two least favorite comrades in LEP.

A nearby traffic violation jarred her out of her smoldering thoughts. _Another hotshot pixie with a new vehicle to show off_, she reckoned. The chrome painted vehicle was parked in the middle of the crosswalk, hindering the pedestrians from crossing. Two unobservant fairies had already rammed into the car and spilled their sim-coffee all over themselves.

Holly nonchalantly weaved through the traffic to the vehicle in violation. Sure enough, a pixie was driving. He had on a pair of trans-color sunglasses, similar to a Mud-man mood ring. The frame would detect body temperatures at the temporal artery and transfer them to the lenses. At present, the lenses were a cool green tinged with purple, a sure sign that the pixie was enjoying himself.

"Citizen," Holly began. "You are in violation of trafficking law six-two-four, please let me see your license and registration…"

"Well, hello, hot legs," the pixie crooned. The lenses in his sunglasses had changed to a hot pink.

"Shut up and show me the documents," Holly growled.

"Whatever ya say, gorgeous," the pixie complied.

By that time, Grub had also noticed the traffic violation and bumbled over to be of assistance.

"I've got this under wraps, Grub," Holly said. "Go back to your post."

"Okay," Grub answered, looking all too relieved that he didn't have to deal with the pixie. As he began to cross the street again, he stepped on a wad of freshly chewed gum. It took him thirty seconds to dislodge himself from the pavement and another thirty seconds to quit bumbling long enough to find his way back.

"So…" the pixie began. "How's about we do su'um tonight? Just you and me, huh, babes?"

Holly grimaced. "No thank you. I don't date criminals."

"This? This little thing? C'mon, this ain't no crime! You ain't turnin' me down for that, are ya?"

Holly smiled. "Yep. I'm not interested. Now, please remove your vehicle before it gets towed."

The pixie shook his head disbelievingly. He lifted up his arms and flexed his biceps. "Don't tell me ya don't like these bad boys?"

"Nope. Now," Holly growled, leaning into the window. "Get the car out of the crosswalk, or I'll do something with that pretty paint job of yours. And no amount of insurance is gonna cover it. Understood?"

The pixie gulped. "Yes, ma'am."

Holly smiled. "Good."

_D'Arvit, I hate this job,_ Holly thought to herself as she walked away.

Holly's com link crackled into life in her helmet. A live recording of Foaly, the paranoid centaur who was chief of the technology department of LEP, fizzled onto the screen.

"Holly?..bzzz....Holly, can you hear me?"

"Read you loud and clear, Foaly," Holly replied. "What's going on?"

"Trouble Kelp just came back from his Recon mission. He had a little tight spot, and he ran out of magic. He's a little worse for wear, but he'll be fine. Anyway, he didn't complete his Recon. Commander Root would like you to take it from where he left off."

Holly's heart leapt. "I think I can do that."

Foaly smiled faintly. "Be at chute E4 in four hours. See you," he said right before his image fizzled out again.

Holly turned her gaze back to Chix, who noticed and puckered up again, then to Grub, who looked disoriented as he awkwardly moved traffic along.

_So long, suckers_, she thought.


	4. Date with a Troll

Holly decided to visit Trouble Kelp at LEP's medical facility before she left for chute E4. She and Trouble were pretty tight friends, ever since their days at the Academy. Holly thought it was the least she could do.

Trouble was in worse wear that Foaly made him out to be in. His left arm was crushed, and his left lung collapsed. With the help of the mediwarlocks, however, Captain Kelp was making a speedy recovery.

As soon as Holly entered Trouble's room, a huge smile spread across the injured officer's face. "Holly! Good to see you!"

"Good to see you too, Trubs," Holly replied. She took a quick glance at Trouble's left side, which looked deflated and sorry. "Are you all right?"

Trouble waved Holly's concern away like an irksome fly. "It's a little hard to breathe, but other than that I'm perfectly sound." His pale face brightened even more. "I see you're dressed in Recon garb. Going somewhere up top?"

"Yeah, actually. Root's sending me to finish your Recon."

Trouble's smile faded. "You're not serious, are you?" He sunk back into the pillows. "The commander is actually sending you?"

Holly was confused. "Yeah. Why wouldn't he?"

Trouble's voice softened. "I'm the best Recon officer the LEP has besides the commander himself. And just look at me!" He indicated his left side with his fully functional right hand. "If I hadn't retreated, that thing would've finished me off."

"Sorry? What thing?" Holly asked.

Trouble frowned. "Didn't Foaly tell you? I was tracking a troll."

Holly's eyes narrowed. "I haven't had too much luck with trolls."

"Which is probably why Foaly didn't tell you about it. He probably thought you'd back out as soon as you heard there was a troll involved."

"Hardly. I'm not a coward, but that doesn't necessarily mean that I enjoy the idea. I guess it would be too late to back out now. I've already signed out all of my equipment," Holly added, clicking her tongue.

Trouble shrugged. "Tough luck."

Holly's left eyebrow shot upward. "I need to talk to Foaly when this gets over with."

Trouble's frown was replaced with a grin. "Does this talk involve fists?"

"Probably. Fists and possibly some humiliation. On his part." She stood up and walked to the door. "See you later, Trubs."

"Be safe, Holly."

Holly peeked around the doorframe. "Who do you think you're talking to, Trouble Kelp? I'll come back from this Recon without a scratch, just you wait and see."

Trouble looked dubious. "I'll bet not."

Holly reemerged into the room. "I'll bet you three ounces of gold I'll make it back without so much as a headache."

Trouble held out his right hand for her to shake. "Three ounces of gold it is."

Holly shook his hand, sealing the agreement. "Just you wait and see."

CHUTE E4, CENTRAL GERMANY

The last time Holly Short did a Recon involving a troll, it had been the most disastrous mission she had every done. An entire restaurant in Italy had to be mindwiped because she had run out of magic and became visible to them. It if hadn't been for that blasted troll, she would've never met Artemis Fowl.

Holly scowled as she scurried into the teardrop shaped vessel that was to take her to the surface. No matter how many times she and that arrogant Mud Boy had saved the world together, Artemis Fowl still drove her crazy.

Holly reminisced. The previous troll encounter had depleted her of magic, and Commander Root, in a fit of rage, had ordered her to complete the Ritual, a sacred ceremony of sorts that recharged her for further Recon work. During the Ritual, Artemis Fowl, then a careless criminal mastermind who cared for life about as much as he would a pile of dirt, had discovered and captured her for a gold ransom. Holly was just glad that the teenager had softened up a little and had become good friends with her over the years. Artemis wasn't that bad anymore. Granted, he couldn't resist robbing a bank once in a while, but who wouldn't?

Holly's thoughts were interrupted by a familiar voice on her com-link.

"Standard procedure, Holly," Foaly said. "You know what to do."

"Thanks a bunch, Foaly," Holly replied. She fastened her safety harnesses. "By the way, I'm gonna have to talk to you later."

Foaly waved her remark away. "I know what you're going to say, but I have a good reason for putting you on this Recon in the first place."

Holly's eyebrow couldn't possibly go any higher than they did just then. "Let me guess, there was no one else to do the job, right?"

Foaly nodded. "Right."

"Did you even look for anyone else?"

Foaly diverted his gaze from her face and blushed as much as his hairy face would allow him to. "Actually, no. But just looking at you with Verbil and Kelp in traffic kinda made me feel sorry for you, you know. And then that hotshot pixie came along."

Holly growled.

"Well, let's just say that from then on I knew you'd jump up at the opportunity to go up top."

Holly shrugged. "True, true."

"Besides," Foaly added. "You don't wanna go back, do you?"

Holly shook her head vigorously. "No way!"

Foaly grinned smugly. "I didn't think so."

The conversation ended, and Holly took the time admiring the vessel. This must be one of the new ones, she figured. It was much more spacious than those other piles of junk in the shipyard.

As usual, Foaly couldn't resist gloating. "Isn't she a beauty? She only came off the line two weeks ago." Foaly grinned again. "New design and, as you've probably notice, a lot more leg room. You're the first to try her out. "

"Lucky me," Holly remarked under her breath.

Foaly frowned. "I heard that. Drop off in seven, six, five, four, three, two..."

Holly began to take deep, steadying breaths. This was gonna be a bumpy ride.

"...two, one."

Holly's stomach flew upward into her chest as the vessel dropped down into the cathedral wide abyss. She had felt this sensation many times before, and it always gave her a sense of exhilaration, but why did she feel a sense of foreboding?

"Good luck," Foaly said. His voice crackled out of communication altogether.

_I'm gonna need it_, Holly thought. Her voice was unable to work because of the G forces meeting her as she fell.

The falling motion was suddenly replaced by a lifting motion as the shot of magma from the earth's interior lifted the vessel upward. The heat monitor right in front of Holly beeped as the temperature of the ship rose. In minutes, the magma stream would carry the ship up to the surface, with Holly inside. From there, Holly would complete Trouble Kelp's mission. At least she would try to. A troll is not an easy thing to control.

* * *

Holly took a deep breath of unfiltered, natural air. Mud Men did not know how good they had it. On the surface was so beautiful, and the air wasn't artificial. This was the real stuff. Holly gazed upward at the gibbous moon overhead, sighed and patted her Neutrino 2000 reassuringly. Tonight was a night when she would especially need her blaster.

A few minutes passed while Holly pursued the troll on the built-in tracking system in her helmet. Foaly had made the job easy; all she had to do was watch that big red heat signature grow bigger as she drew closer.

Holly's satisfaction of breathing real air was dashed when she smelled a whiff of overwhelming fragrance. The smell was sickeningly sweet, and Holly felt the beginnings of a headache coming on.

"Ugh," she said. She pulled down her breathing mask and took a deep breath of air from the canister on her back. It wasn't natural, but it was better than the stuff she was smelling. Forgetting her mission entirely for a moment, Holly looked into the unruly hedges surrounding the grown-over trail she was flying along. Something was odd about them...

Holly squinted and saw that amongst the hedges were large, magenta flowers. The night had shielded their true color, but once she got closer, she could tell that they were definitely of a purple hue. She had never seen one of the flowers before. They must've been native to Germany. Holly stretched out her hand and picked one of them. The petals were thick and woolen, like a blanket.

Almost without warning, the headache Holly had developed from the sickening scent grew worse, even though she couldn't smell anything. Along with that, she felt weak and tired. She pressed her long, brown fingers against her temples and rubbed them vigorously. In doing so, she dropped the flower and suddenly, the headache almost disappeared entirely. There were slight traces of it, but most of it had gone.

"That's strange," she whispered to herself. She stared suspiciously at the flower she had discarded and shook her head. _That flower couldn't have done anything. I'm just imagining things_.

Holly patted her Neutrino again and walked onward towards the troll.

The troll in question, as Holly soon discovered, was nothing compared to the troll she had met in Italy. This beastie was an absolute midget. Most trolls were fifteen to twenty feet tall; this one was only about ten or twelve. She also noticed that the troll was slightly injured. A huge bump had arisen on its large forehead and it also walked with a noticeable limp. It looked like Trouble had done most of the work for her.

Holly bit her lip. It didn't occur to her until just then. This troll was a pushover! How could Trouble Kelp, the best officer in the LEP, get crushed by something as unthreatening as that? Granted, trolls even that size can get angry enough to act irrationally and hurt someone, but Trouble had enough sense to not antagonize a troll.

Foaly had also said that Trouble had run out of magic before the mission was completed. That seemed very unlikely, considering Captain Kelp was always fully charged wherever he went. Something was fishy here.

Nevertheless, she had a Recon to complete. She dismissed her thoughts, hitched her Neutrino 2000 closer to her chest for reassurance, and observed her target, who was lumbering around the countryside stupidly.

Holly took off her breathing mask, activated her wings once more, and flew closer to the limping troll. One stun shot from her Neutrino to the troll's temple would knock it unconscious long enough for a Retrieval squad to bring it down below ground again, where it wouldn't be a threat. She lifted her weapon to eye level and pulled the trigger. It didn't fire.

Holly frowned. "That's strange." She opened the battery hatch to inspect the battery inside. The battery was completely depleted.

"Darn you, Foaly. Check next time before you give me a dead Neutrino."

She holstered her useless weapon and looked once more at the troll. It was slowly continuing onward, its progress slowed by the wounds it had received.

Holly shrugged. "Guess we'll just have to do this the hard way."

Holly's eyes narrowed in concentration as she fingered through her pack for her knife. Two brief swipes at the troll's calves and the blade would cut the ligaments and render the beast incapable of leg movement. Fairly simple, but Holly would have preferred the use of her blaster in this situation.

When the troll came along a small stream and stooped down to take a drink, Holly found her chance and seized it. Using her LEP-training-given stealth, she crept up quietly to the troll, gripping her knife tightly in her hands. She made two swift, but deep, slashes in the troll's hairy calves.

The troll was not expecting it. It released a howl of agony and took a wild swipe, grazing Holly's arm as she threw herself out of the way. The cool, clear water quickly turned a sickening red as the blood from the troll's wounds leaked into the stream.

Holly grimaced. "Disgusting."

She grunted as she stood up, staring at the troll as it writhed around in the water. To her, it looked slightly comical.

She winced slightly, and looked over the graze she had received from the troll's rough hide. "Ouch," she remarked. She focused on the graze, expecting a number of blue sparks to emerge and heal it. But no sparks came.

"What on earth is going on?" Holly mused. She concentrated harder, but still no sparks. She frowned contemplatively. She hadn't run out of magic, had she? _No, I did the Ritual only last week. I can't have run out already._

Realizing that her magic would not heal her, she wrapped the graze in a strip of cloth and turned on her com-link.

"Foaly?"

"Bzzz...read you, Cap'n Short. How's it going?"

"Target is immobilized, but not incapacitated. You might want to hurry up getting that Retrieval squad, though." She cast a quick glance at the troll, which was thrashing around in the water and absolutely roaring with pain. "He's causing a lot of ruckus. Sooner or later, the Mud Men will come investigating."

"That wouldn't be good. Not good at all. Okay, I'll send in Frond's team as soon as I can."

"Thanks. Oh, and Foaly..."

"Yeah?"

"I'm gonna have to talk to you when I get back."

Foaly looked slightly angry. "Didn't we already go over this?"

"No. You made a technical mistake."

"Impossible. I'm a genius. I don't make technical mistakes."

"Well, you did."

Foaly looked doubtful. "Like what?"

Holly shook her head. "I'll let Root deal with you." She grinned mischievously. "Short, out."

The last Holly saw of the centaur before her visual buzzed out was of Foaly appearing flustered and scared. What on earth could he possibly have done to get Root mad at him?

Holly laughed slightly. "You made a big mistake, giving me a dead Neutrino. A _big_ mistake."

Disregarding the writhing troll completely (she would leave the rest to Retrieval), Holly made her way back to the E4 chute entrance. As she flew, the sickening smell overtook her again, causing her headache to heighten suddenly.

She grimaced and replaced her breathing mask. That smell almost made her vomit.

"Ugh," she said again. She spiraled upward towards the heavens and flew off into the moonlight.


	5. Troubling

TROUBLING

"Are you sure you did the Ritual only last week, Short?"

"Positive, Commander."

Commander Julius Root of the LEP sat on his customary swivel chair as Captain Short sat opposite him. Root's officers often called him 'Beetroot', and with good reason. With even the slightest irritation, the commander would flare up and his face would turn as red as a baby's bottom that had just been smacked.

Root was the very essence of a police force commander; he even looked the part. His buzzed grey hair gave him the appearance of a wise man who was not to be toyed with. He was often found casually puffing away on a fungal cigar.. He was especially famous for those cigars. They were a heart attack waiting to happen, but, hey, they made him happy.

At present, Root was debriefing Holly on her latest mission. She had explained to him about her dead Neutrino (Root had a fit about that; 'That bloody centaur! I'm gonna kill him!' he had screamed) and her innovative way of bringing down the troll. Then she told him about how she had lost her magic. That was when Root's normal 'do-you-think-I really-care' face was replaced by a look of genuine concern. Something you didn't see Root's face do a lot of.

Root frowned, his brows knitted tightly. "That's troubling," he said. "If all my Recon members run out of magic up top, I may have to consider cancelling all further missions."

Holly's eyes widened. She couldn't believe what she was hearing. Root, cancelling Recon missions? "Are you serious?"

Root nodded solemnly. "I'm not saying I like the idea. But it may become necessary. If this magic loss continues, I may lose a good soldier. Two of my best officers have been hurt already. First Kelp, then you..." He hesitated, letting the statement wander.

"But sir..." Holly replied cautiously. "What about duty? It's our obligation to prevent the Mud Men from discovering the People. If we let our duties die, who knows what will happen?"

Root slammed his fist on the table, upsetting the ash tray filled to the brim with the remains of his famous fungal cigars.

"You think I don't know or care what's at stake? Well, here's a news flash for you: I do know, and I do care. But innocent fairies are getting hurt, and I'm not just gonna stand by and watch as they get killed because I was too concerned about 'duty' and 'obligation' to care much about them and their safety!"

"But, sir..." Holly repeated.

Root raised a hand to silence her. "Case closed. No more on the subject. We'll give it a trial run, but no more than two weeks. If more fairies get hurt, I'm going to shut the LEP down until the problem can be remedied. Understood?"

Holly bowed her head ashamedly. "Understood."

"Good." Root sat taller in his chair. "You're excused."

* * *

"Ha! I told you! You came back with a cut _and_ a headache. I think that counts for _six_ ounces of gold, don't you?"

"Shut it, Kelp, I'm warning you."

"All right, don't bite my head off. Now, hand it over."

Holly growled. "Fine."

Trouble held out his hand and Holly dropped a trickle of gold into his palm. He counted the coins mentally, then frowned.

"Are you trying to dupe me?"

Holly shook her head. "No. Why?"

"This is not three ounces of gold, Holly. This is two and a half ounces."

Holly shrugged sheepishly. "Sorry, that's all I got."

Trouble looked suspicious. "What are you spending it all on?"

Holly blushed. Shoot.

"Nothing...in...particular," she said slowly, spitting her consonants. She smiled guiltily.

Trouble was unfazed. His face was a stubborn concrete mask. "Holly."

"Okay. All right. I've been trying to contact Artemis Fowl. Satisfied?"

Trouble's eyes went huge, and he blinked like an owl twice. "Fowl? Artemis Fowl? _The_ Artemis Fowl?"

"There's actually two of them," Holly contradicted under her breath. "Junior and senior."

Trouble shook his head and waved his good arm in front of her face. "Doesn't matter. But _Fowl_? I thought you hated him!"

"I did. Did, key word. I did, but things..." she frowned, searching for the right words. "Things are different now. He's not like he used to be. He's grown up," she said. "He actually makes a good friend. Once he forgets about gold, that is."

Captain Kelp's eyes grew even larger, and he shook his head. "I can't believe what I'm hearing. If I didn't know better, I'd say you were having romantic fantasies."

"Ha, ha."

(Artemis Fowl belongs to Eoin Colfer)


	6. Boredom

BOREDOM

The Artemis Fowl in question was sitting at his computer desk, tapping softly on his lips with a long, pale finger. His computer was off, the screen as black as the sky outside.

Then quite suddenly he pushed away from his desk and spun around in his chair. The chair swivelled four times, then came to a complete stop facing a bookshelf on the other side of the room. One book in particular, a tome with a gold-embossed spine, caught his attention.

With a groan, he stood up and crossed the room. The book that had caught his eye was a novel, one of the few in his possession. His mother had given it to him for his seventh birthday. He had read through it once, but since then it had been completely forgotten, collecting dust on his shelf.

He reached, standing on the tips of his loafers, and pulled the book down. A spattering of dust rained down, and Artemis knew what was coming before it happened. His nose began to tingle, and he buried his face in the crook of his arm before he exploded. The sneeze was muffled, but he looked automatically at the door to see if Butler would come barging in. He sat there for several seconds, waiting silently, his face held expectantly against his sleeve.

When he realized that nothing would happen, Artemis withdrew his face and looked at the book in his hands.

"Les Miserables," he whispered. He gently wiped off the rest of the dust, revealing the gold embossed French words. It was large, the unabridged version, and it felt strangely heavy. It was a nice kind of heavy, soothing rather than straining. It felt almost nice, the weight pulling on this arms.

Artemis continued to stand there, sniffing occasionally, staring at the book in his hands. He had never read a book more than once. He had a photographic memory, so there was no need to. And he wouldn't start with this one. Just because he was bored didn't mean that he'd have to go to extremes.

He sniffed once more and placed the novel back onto the bookcase. He shuffled his feet a few times, then exited his study.

THREE AND A HALF HOURS LATER

Butler woke with a start. A rumble had arisen from across the hall, not loud, but loud enough.

Butler didn't waste any time. He threw off his bed sheets and flew out of his bedroom. Another rumble sounded. It was muffled, like something had hit the wall.

Or someone.

Butler ran faster, reaching the room across the hall in a jiffy. He threw open the door and was surprised to find his charge sitting in the exact center of his room. There was a pile of soft pillows on his right and another in his arms. It was held over his head, and before Butler could do anything, the boy catapulted the pillow at the wall. It hit its target, and the same muffled noise sounded.

Butler was beyond words.

"Butler!" the boy groaned, taking up another pillow. "I'm bored!" he said, throwing another pillow at the wall. This time, Butler caught it and set it gently on the floor.

"Bored?"

"Yes, bored. I don't like it, not at all! It's _frustrating_!"

Butler blinked. "It's three in the morning," he said. "Have you tried sleeping? I've heard that time flies when you're unconscious," he added with a smirk.

Artemis growled. "That was the first thing I tried. But I couldn't sleep."

"Obviously."

Artemis paused for a moment. He wasn't necessarily at a loss for words, but he looked anxious and hesitant. Finally, he spoke. "Do you think I made the right choice?"

Butler blinked again. Artemis Fowl Junior, asking an opinion? He must have been _very _bored. "About what?"

"About Zimbabwe. Should I have gone?"

Butler blew his breath out in a big spurt. "Do you want a frank answer?"

Artemis leaned forward, his eyes looking a little on the deranged side. "Yes. Please."

Butler leaned against the doorframe. He did not hesitate to answer. "Yes."

Artemis waited expectantly. "And? Elaborate," he ordered.

"Yes, you should have gone. You should have gone, not because it would have been profitable or 'good for business', but because it would have been the right thing to do." Butler shrugged, not sure what else he could say.

"Great. Now I need a moral checkup," Artemis groaned.

Butler shrugged again.

"I thought," Artemis said, "that I had so many things to do. Too many things. I supposed that Zimbabwe would only prohibit me from completing them, but now that I've completely finished the tasks…" He trailed off, looking at his bodyguard expectantly.

"You're bored," Butler guessed.

"Precisely."

(Artemis Fowl belongs to Eoin Colfer)


	7. Recording

The next day, Artemis found himself talking with his mother on his cellular phone, and Angeline

Fowl was sounding especially distraught.

"It's getting better, honestly, mother," Artemis was saying. "I'm not vomiting as much anymore….Butler says the virus should be gone in a few days."

"You should never have gotten it!" Angeline wailed. "And it was such bad timing, too…Have you been drinking plenty of water?"

"Yes, Mother," he sighed. "And you'll be glad to hear that my diet consists exclusively of saltine crackers and chicken broth."

"That's good to hear, darling," said Angeline. "But I wish there was something I could do."

"I'll be perfectly fine, Mother. I promise."

"That's right, Arty. Keep being optimistic."

"Is Father around?"

There was a pause, and Artemis visualized his mother surveying the area for any sign of her husband. "He's taking a nap, actually. These Zimbabwe children seem to think that he's a living jungle gym," she added with a chuckle. "They absolutely adore him, but I'm afraid it's definitely taking it's toll on his stamina."

"Will you tell him that I said hello?" Arty asked.

"Absolutely. Or better yet, you could record something for him. That way he can hear your voice rather than listen to me pass on your message."

Artemis looked up as Butler came into the room. The bodyguard's face was blank as he listened as the Fowl heir prepared to record something for his father.

"Hello, Father," Artemis began. "I'm sure you are doing well. I hope that you are taking your medicines regularly and that you don't overdo it. You know how stiff your leg can…"

Artemis' conversation drifted off into drabble as he watched the look Butler was giving him. He had seen Butler give that look before, but never to himself. It was a chiding look, but it managed to look quite menacing in its deliverance. Artemis began to realize that the method in which he was 'conversing' with his father was not exactly the best, and Butler knew it.

"Umm…" said Artemis, shaking his head. "Sorry about that…lost my train of thought." Artemis shook his head disbelievingly. Losing his train of thought was something that he would never do. The word 'um', he realized, was not normally integrated into his vocabulary.

"I miss you, Father," he began. He cast a glance at Butler, whose chiding look evaporated. He now looked simply bored. "Even though it has only been a few short days, I truly am beginning to miss you. And Mom--"

He stopped. Did he really just say 'mom'?

"Mother," he corrected. "I miss you both. I promise that the next time we go on a family vacation, I will try extra hard to avoid contracting an illness. Good-bye," he finished, and was just beginning to close his phone when he realized that he had forgotten to add something. "Oh, and Father…I love you."

He pulled the phone away from his ear and closed it. He looked up at his bodyguard once more. Butler was nodding, and Artemis thought he could detect a small smile on his face.

"I'll go make dinner, shall I?" Butler said, then backed out of the room.


	8. Communications

**HAVEN: HOLLY SHORT'S RESIDENCE **

**Holly Short frowned as she looked at the bill on her lap. She shook her head. The rate I'm going, she thought, I won't have money left for groceries.**

**Why wasn't Artemis answering? If something had happened…no, she would have heard by now. Foaly was still keeping tabs on the teenager, even though he had promised he wouldn't. The past incidents with Artemis had definitely kept the centaur on edge. If something had happened to Artemis, Foaly would have alerted Holly at once.**

**Holly looked down at the bill on her lap again. It was a hefty sum in the bolded black letters at the bottom of the page. It was already up to half a week's income.**

**It's not that important, she thought. I don't think I should waste my money just so I can talk to him. It isn't worth it. If it was an emergency it would be different. But it isn't; I guess I'm just getting bored.**

**Holly flung the communications bill on her coffee table with a huff. The entire situation was stupid. And it was getting stupider. **

**The captain sunk into her cozy recliner. Something bored into her back. She pulled it out from behind her. **_**My communicator**_**.**

**She cast another glance at the discarded bill on the table, then back at the device in her hands. **

**She flipped the cover open with a flourish, reminding herself of Captain Kirk on **_**Star Trek**_**.**

**Aw, why not? **

**FOWL MANOR**

**Artemis Fowl, meanwhile, was taking a look at his own communicator. Unlike Holly's, his was not the same shape or size as a normal communicator. He had painstakingly transferred the software into a rather noticeable ring, which he was now throwing back and forth between his long-fingered hands. **

**Bored again, he realized. Maybe I should catch a flight to Zimbabwe before I completely fall off my rocker.**

**I need somebody to talk to, he thought. **

_**Butler…no. He would think it very strange if I were to suddenly engage in casual conversation. Juliet? No again; most likely in the Octagon with sweaty and infuriated men twice her size. She's much too busy.**_

**Then it hit him. I don't want to talk to humans. I want to talk to…people. The People.**

**He smacked himself lightly on the forehead. A strange gesture; something he would normally not do to anyone, let alone himself.**

"**You're letting yourself go, Artemis," he muttered to himself. **

**Great. Now I'm talking to myself. Maybe I'm literally going insane.**

**He pushed down on a small ruby on the face of his ring, which would automatically ring him in to the person he wished to contact most; Holly Short, LEP captain.**

**He pressed down on the inconspicuous ruby, waiting for the captain to answer on the second or third ring. But there was not a single beep to be heard.**

**Artemis began to do a quick diagnostic of the ring. He disassembled it with delicate fingers, trying to find what was wrong. It should be working, he thought. I keep it in pristine shape. **

**Aw…the batteries. They must be dead. **

**Artemis pressed a number into his cell phone. Butler answered on the first ring.**

"**Butler," he called. **

"**Yes, Master Artemis."**

"**Butler, could you please get me the energy source to the last LEP communicator in the vault? It should be completely charged."**

**Butler did not reply, but Artemis could imagine him nodding. The line went dead.**

**A few moments later, Butler came in with the tiny pulsating red energy source. His hands were covered in a slimy grey substance, and he held the battery up with a pair of tweezers.**

"**Here," he said unceremoniously. He handed the tweezers to Artemis, who gently set them on the table.**

"**Thank you," the boy said.**

"**Oh, Butler?" Artemis said before Butler had shut the door.**

"**Yes?"**

"**How are you passing the time?"**

**Butler seemed slightly taken aback. "Passing the time?"**

**Artemis nodded. "In other words, why are your hands covered in clay?"**

**Butler grinned. "You're not the only one getting bored out of his wits. If you must know, I've started doing some pottery."**

"**Pottery?" Artemis spluttered.**

"**Like I said," Butler repeated. "You're not the only person in this house that needs something to do. Now if you don't mind, I need to go back and bake my urn. Excuse me."**

**Butler went out and closed the door, careful not to get any clay on the doorknob, and Artemis was left flabbergasted.**

"**Pottery…who would've thought?"**

**TWENTY MINUTES LATER**

**Finally, success. Holly had finally been able to patch through.**

**Artemis sounded mildly surprised to hear Holly's voice. He could hear her talking as soon as he had replaced the energy supply, and it was apparent that this was not her first time attempting to contact him.**

**Holly had opened the conversation with something about gold and groceries, and they had been talking for fifteen minutes straight since then.**

**Artemis found himself laughing more often than not. Nothing Holly had to say was either extremely clever or indeed funny at all. It was more the idea that he was no longer utterly bored that accounted for his giddiness that the actual conversation.**

**The conversation continued for approximately thirty more minutes, and by that time both had run out of topics of conversation. Artemis considered striking up a discussion about quantum physics but thought better of it; he doubted Holly would appreciate that very much. In all honesty, he doubted that anybody in his immediate acquaintance, except perhaps Foaly, would appreciate a discussion like that.**

"**It's been nice to hear from you, Artemis. I've spent a lot of gold on this, you know. You'd better be grateful."**

"**I am," Artemis replied. "I've needed somebody to talk to for a long time. Thank you."**

"**You betcha," Holly replied, and Artemis imagined her giving a wink that nobody would see.**

"**I'll be in contact again," Artemis said. **

"**I'll be waiting," Holly said.**

**Artemis smiled. "Fowl Manor, out."**

"**You sound awfully official," Holly teased. "Haven, out."**

"**Bye," Artemis added, but Holly's transmission had already cut out.**


	9. Accusations

**I guess that this is as good a time as any to answer a few questions.**

**ONE: I have no idea where in the Artemis Fowl series this fanfic takes place, and if that confuses people, I am dreadfully sorry. I just began writing, not really thinking about when the events are occuring. Let's just put the timeline at ka-poot and be satisfied.**

**TWO: Angeline call her husband Timmy at some point in the series; I'm too lazy to look up exactly where. It was a way to differentiate between her son and her husband (calling senior Timmy and junior Arty). Or maybe that was just an insane dream I had...**

**THREE: Whoever said that fantasy fiction had to be realistic? Seems like an oxymoronic statement to me...**

HAVEN

The next day, Holly Short reported for duty a tad earlier that usual, and her coworkers noticed a bit of a bounce in her step.

'Is she on some sort of medication?' or 'did she finally get a boyfriend?' were some of the questions that arose from the captain's strange behavior. Corporal Lilly Frond was particularly worried about the second option; all the men were supposed to fall at _her_ feet, not at the boot-shod feet of the boyish captain.

Fortunately for Frond, neither assumption was the case. Trouble Kelp knew the real answer. Trouble watched Holly closely as the short-haired captain made her way to her cubicle. Holly's lips were puckered like she was trying to whistle, and when she sat at her desk, she swiveled once in her chair before making a complete stop. It was then that Holly noticed Trouble looking at her.

"Hey Trouble," she greeted. "I see you're out of the hospital."

"Yep. Released this morning."

"You should take it easy. You should've gone home," Holly suggested, swaying back and forth in her seat.

"I'm fine. You don't need to worry about me."

Holly smiled. "Well, can you guess why I'm so happy this morning?"

Trouble didn't smile in return. His face was hard and not amused. "I have a good guess."

"Guess then," Holly replied, smiling all the while.

"I'm guessing that you managed to patch through to the Mud Boy," Trouble said.

"Yes! Turns out it was nothing but a depleted battery! What a relief," she added, wiping her forehead off in mock relief. "I thought it was something worse."

Trouble debated with himself whether to say what he wanted to say, then decided that he might as well go for it. "I don't see how you can be his friend, Holly. Especially after what he did to you."

Holly was caught off guard. "What?"

"Look, Holly…I was on the Retrieval squad when we invaded Fowl Manor. My team and I came out of there with all of our equipment stolen and our pride bruised. That Fowl character you're crazy about," Trouble continued, "He's not stable. He's just a teenage kid who doesn't quite have a grasp on reality. And his bodyguard…Butler," Trouble shuddered. "He's a mountain of a Mud Man who doesn't care about anybody. He only protects that Fowl kid because he gets _paid for it_. The Fowls are, after all, millionaires. They have the resources."

Holly was flabbergasted for a moment. Then she shook herself alert and looked her friend in the eye. "You've kept that in for a long time, haven't you?"

Trouble leaned on the edge of the cubicle and crossed his arms tightly against his chest. "Since that last time you visited me."

"That long, huh?'

Trouble nodded.

"If you must know one thing, Trouble," Holly began. "It's that Butler is not the person you think he is. He is very kind, very caring---"

Trouble scoffed. "Yeah, especially after he walloped my team. He was a kind, caring soul then, wasn't he?"

Holly gave Trouble a scolding look. "Don't interrupt. Like I was saying, Butler would do anything for Artemis. And not just because he gets_ paid for it._ He took a bullet for that boy, for heaven's sake! Now if that doesn't show dedication, I don't know what does. You've been misled, Trubs. People can change. Artemis and Butler are not the same people who kidnapped me and held me hostage two years ago. They are very different, and if you can't see that, maybe you should try talking to them. I've got them on my speed dial," she added. "I suggest you learn more about them before making ludicrous judgments of character."

It was Trouble's turn to be flabbergasted.

"I think I'll pass," he finally replied.

Holly grinned grimly. "Good."

The two friends were silent for a long while, then Holly lashed out. "You know what, Trouble? You ruined what would have been a very good day."

Trouble smiled, recalling the bounce in Holly's step as she came in. "For that, I am deeply sorry," he answered truthfully.

* * *

Two and a half hours later, Holly found herself in the briefing room with Commander Root and Foaly. She was handed a portfolio and a photograph of a female elf. She set the portfolio aside, knowing that everything of importance in the file would be summarized during the briefing by Foaly.

"Who's this?" she asked, pointing at the picture.

"Her name is Mae Oaks," Foaly began. "An elf from Haven that went missing a few weeks ago. We suspect that she may be in eastern Namibia, Africa," he explained. "We found a few of her journals. She was observing the cheetah population."

"Zoologist?" Holly guessed.

Foaly nodded. "One of the only ways a fairy can get a visa to anywhere but Tara is by being a scientist. She works for the university."

"I think that's enough background knowledge for now," Root interjected. "Your job, Captain Short, is to locate Dr. Oaks. She might have simply wandered out of LEP sensor range."

"Yeah," Foaly added. "We have to send a group of techies to repair the sensors in southern Africa every other year. The wild animals keep messing with them. I wouldn't be surprised if she simply followed her cats a little too far."

"That's one possibility," Root said. "But it also may be that she was kidnapped or killed. We don't want to risk waiting for her to come back into LEP parameters. When you find her, she might need help. Fuel up before you leave."

Holly nodded. "Anything else?"

Foaly tossed her a plastic tube.

"What's this?" Holly asked when she'd caught it.

"Sunscreen," Root explained. "It's awfully sunny in Namibia. Don't want you to get burned."

"A sunburn would clash horribly with your hair," Foaly added. "No need to look ugly when you don't have to."

* * *


	10. Dirty Distractions

**I'm back!**

**I've made some alterations to chapters 1-4 and they are downloaded. Most are minor and easy to overlook, but there's one in 'Doody' that I particularly enjoyed writing. A scene between a disgruntled Holly and an overzealous pixie with a modified Brooklyn accent...check it out!**

**I'm sorry that I have not as yet revealed the new villain...don't worry, it's coming. You'll just have to be patient.**

**Thank you for reading and reviewing. I'm looking forward to more insight and I appreciate the support.**

_Zimbabwe…blast you, Zimbabwe._

_Empty schedule…blast you, empty schedule._

_Guilt ridden conscience…blast._

_Pointless lists of recent regrets…blast it all._

* * *

"We'll never eat that much, Butler," Artemis said, skimming over the mini buffet that Butler was cooking up. Several dishes had already been made and were sitting on the counter on various metal platters.

"I know. We're expecting someone for dinner."

Butler casually flipped a steak over in the sauté pan.

"Who are we expecting? Mulch Diggums?"

Butler was silent.

"Are you serious?" Artemis asked. "Mulch?"

Butler nodded. "I saw him skulking around on the east garden camera," he explained. "Uprooting your mother's tulips, I might add."

"Why is he here?"

Butler shrugged. "I don't know. But he will eat all of our food eventually. We might as well give him a warm welcome."

"Not too warm, I hope. He'll push Ireland into another famine at the rate he eats. And did you really have to make everything gourmet? Now he'll never leave."

* * *

Dinner was an extremely quiet affair. Meals are generally that way when the host is expecting a kleptomaniac dwarf to pop through the front door at any moment.

Artemis was using the quietness and his photographic memory to recall exactly how many people had sat in his chair. Forty-three, if he counted correctly. Diplomats, ambassadors, politicians, gangsters, mobsters, Mafia…the chair had seated them all. Now its occupant was a lone boy that was stagnating where he sat.

Artemis was pulled out of his reverie by what sounded like a bark from Butler. The boy's head jerked upward into the face of his generally stoic and straight-faced bodyguard and was surprised to see that the bark that Butler had released was actually a bark of laughter.

"Awkward silences," Butler explained, chuckling. "I remember Juliet telling me something she heard from a guy in her troupe. He said that 'every time there is an awkward silence, a madman is born'," he said, shaking his head. "Twelve have been born in this last half hour alone."

"Highly illogical," Artemis bit back, stabbing a piece of asparagus.

"Aren't you going to explain why exactly that it illogical?"

"Not right now."

"That is very unlike you, Master Artemis. Not wanting to put in your two cents, now that's illogical…" Butler added, mouth twitching.

"It is illogical because we have met nearly every single madman in the world to date. There have been too many awkward silences to accommodate them all," Artemis explained. "Shall we make a list? Opal Koboi---"

"Mad-woman," Butler corrected.

"Jon Spiro, Briar Cudgeon…you name it. Any I missed, Mulch?"

"Just one, Mr. Madman," sounded a gruff voice under the table. "And how did you know I was here?"

"Smell," Butler explained shortly.

"You'd smell the same way if you'd been diggin' around in compost all day," Mulch retorted, climbing out from under the table and taking an un-offered seat between the two Mudmen. "I always enjoy burrowing through the Fowl estate. Very rich soil. Is that chicken cordon bleu?"

Artemis and Butler cast a meaningful glance at each other.

"Dig in, Mulch. At least we won't have to worry about leftovers."

Mulch didn't necessarily have to receive an invitation to begin eating.

"So," he said, sauce dribbling on his filthy breeches. "How are things?"

"Well enough," Artemis replied. "We were going to ask you the same question, but I think we can answer that inquiry ourselves."

"Hungry?" Butler quipped.

"Heck yes! I'm starving!"

"I see," Artemis muttered. "And why are you here?"

"Aw, that hurts, Arty," Mulch mumbled like a martyr, bypassing the asparagus and going straight for the steak. "Is it a crime to visit an old friend?"

"I doubt that was your original motive," Artemis stated. "And we may be friends, but not enough to bestow casual visits. It is more likely that you wanted to better acquaint yourself with my vault."

"Cross my heart, hope to die, stick a thousand needles in my eye, I came here simply to visit. Nothing more. I was in the neighborhood."

"Stealing more equipment from Tara, I suppose," Butler guessed.

"No," Mulch spat. "Have I really lost all trust with you guys?"

"I don't think there was any to begin with."

"You know what?" Mulch said, hopping off of his chair. His chin barely cleared the top of the table. "If you aren't gonna treat me with _some_ respect, I'll just leave. It's clear you don't want me here anymore."

"Oh no, please stay," Artemis said dryly. "I don't think we have enough room in the refrigerator for leftovers. And I doubt that your hunger is satiated already."

"Now that you mention it," Mulch said, mounting his chair again. "I am still hungry. And this is really good, Butler. I know Artemis didn't make it because he manages to make a sandwich look like somebody had stuffed it with C4 and pushed the button."

Artemis looked mildly wounded. "I'm going to do myself a favor and not take that personally."

Mulch smiled a toothy grin. "Oh, it was personal."

* * *


End file.
